BIG JOHN
- John Facts
- Serving size 1 John (large)
- Calm100%
- Smug110%
- Words per day4
- Stress0g
- Eyes open50%
- * Took the pill.
▶ CH02 · THE PILL
Two Johns.
One pill.
-
Big John took it.
-
Lil John didn’t.
That’s the lore. That’s all of it.
KWIK RX
PHARMACY #0341 · OPEN LATE
RX# 000-JNJ-03NOV 13 2003
PATIENTJOHN
JOHNSON 1000 MG TAB
TAKE 1 TABLET BY MOUTH.
ONCE. OR DON’T.
QTY: 1REFILLS: 0DR. NOBODY
GROWTH MAY CAUSE
SMUGNESS DO NOT SHARE
WITH LIL JOHN
▶ CH03 · MEET THE JOHNS
LIL JOHN
- John Facts
- Serving size 1 John (fun size)
- Excitement900%
- VolumeMAX
- Chill0g
- Eyes open150%
- Pushes the cartalways
- * Did not take the pill.
Big John runs things.
Lil John thinks that’s the coolest thing he’s ever seen.
▶ CH04 · HOME TAPES
JOHNTRON
NOV 14 2003 · 10:27 PM
Big John has been on the same level for six hours.
Lil John thinks they’re winning.
The John Tapes
Found in a basement. Labeled by Lil John. Mostly snacks.
▶ CH05 · MARKET REPORT
MARKET REPORT
11:42 PM ET
JOHNSON&JOHNSON
JNJ · THE STOCK
PAIRED ON STONKS FUND
BIG JOHN&LIL JOHN
$JNJ · THE COIN
- 01
JNJ is Johnson & Johnson’s stock ticker. A real one.
- 02
$JNJ is the coin. Also called Johnson & Johnson. The Johnsons are Big John and Lil John.
- 03
Stonks Fund pairs the coin with the stock. Same name. Same ticker. Different Johnsons.
Parody. Not affiliated with Johnson & Johnson. Not live market data.
▶ CH06 · KWIK STOP · 2:16 AM
Get in the cart.
Lil John is driving. Big John is not worried.
CHECK OUT▶ CH07 · LANE 1 OPEN
KWIK STOP #0341
OPEN ALL NIGHT. UNFORTUNATELY.
MAR 22 200502:16 AMLANE 1
BIG JOHN1 LARGE
LIL JOHN1 FUN SIZE
PAIRED STOCK (JNJ)1
CHIPS, ASSORTED14
CART (BORROWED)1
TICKER$JNJ
COINJOHNSON & JOHNSON
CONTRACT ADDRESS
NOT ON TAPE YET
BUY ON STONKS FUND
THANK YOU. PLEASE COME AGAIN.
NO REFUNDS. NO FINANCIAL ADVICE.